who am I again?

Funny to think that four years ago, I was struggling with what my "new" life was going to look like. Worry abounded here, for example, and I clearly remember having a hard time with figuring out my identity. I was a teacher, first and foremost it seemed, even though I was a mom to two children by the end of my time in the classroom. When I woke up that first weekday morning and did not have a classroom to get ready, I felt a little lost.

Compare that to now, four years later. I have certainly come to love my stay-at-home-momness. I love the spreading out of household chores throughout the week. I love the low-key feeling to our mornings- yes, the children get a little TV while Mama gets a little Interwebs- and we just have a lot of time all day. I've been able to pursue more things that interest me in the last four years than I have in a long, long time.

And now, it's time for another change. The paychecks will still be quite pitiful compared to other professions, but I will once again be a player in the world of respectable wage-earners. Our mornings will be much more intense, with alternating exit times of 6:45 and 8:30 am. I won't see my netbook all morning, and my online presence will be ghost-like. I'll respond to calls of Mrs. instead of Mama for most of the day.

So, who will I be? Can I still be Mrs. AND Mama AND morninglight mama? Will I learn to live with these different personalities cohabitating in my head, not quite permanently committed to each other but trying it out to see if it can work?

My days of SAHM bliss (ha!) are numbered. My mind is trying to reconfigure its teacher mode. My emotions are all over the board. My checking account is hopeful. My kids are ready for the incredible early childhood education experience that surely awaits them. My students-to-be will be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed on that first day, and I am going to try my damnedest to be, too.


Always anxious about change,