life's a beach

I've never been a beach person.  I have several very specific reasons:

• I'm so pale, I could appear in the Twilight movies without having to trouble any make-up artist.  The beach is practically the face of the sun to me, and there's no sunblock around that prevents me from feeling crispy.
• While it's hot as hell on the beach, I cannot cool off because I can't bring myself to put myself more than shin-deep in the water.  Simply put- crap lives in there.  Crap that can hurt you if you happen to step on it, or even brush by it, so I'm just not taking the chance.  The water looks absolutely disgusting, and the thought of submerging my body in an enormous aquarium whose owner has gone away indefinitely without securing a pet sitter to clean the tank.  Nope.
• I like the things that one would bring to a beach to stay clean- the blanket on which I put my bottom, the book that holds my bookmark, the sandwiches that I put in my mouth, and most especially, the bathing suit bottom that is in direct contact with my parts.  But at the beach, the moment that you step out of your vehicle, the sand has immediately found a way to get up close and personal with every surface, and regardless of how many showers you take, there will still be a grain or two hundred making an appearance for a few days.

So imagine my surprise when I began to get excited last night as my mom and I planned out a trip to the beach with the kids for this morning.  The list seemed simple enough: snacks, drinks, lunch, towels, toys, extra clothes, sunblock, a release from my lifelong disdain for the beach, and a blanket.  See?  Simple.

Eh, I jest.  I'm not saying that I leaped into the water, embracing all the ocean's creatures with my arms wide open, channeling my inner mermaid.  Uh, no.  But it was enough to be at the water's edge with Pudge and Red, and JAM wasn't itching to get in the water, either, so we were all content.  And as far as those creatures do go- I even got brave enough to scoop a little jellyfish out of the water with a small bucket, which was a source of great entertainment for the kids.  I totally got it when JAM told me, "One part of me really wants to touch it, because it looks like it would feel so cool, but the other part knows that isn't a great idea."  Yeah, I hear ya, kid.

Time for rule one in Mommy Blogging, talking about a family experience is never enough.  You need to present the photographic evidence.  Here are some shots from the fun:

There you have it.  To recap:

• The kids wore their swim shirts and a ton of the really good sunscreen (it only has a 3 rating on that new sunscreen study-- woo-hoo!), so they survived with no sunburns.  I wore my swim shirt, too, and applied sunscreen as well, but I apparently forgot that I have a neck.  (With more than the one standard chin, you'd think I'd be hyper-aware of that area, huh?)  So, I'm rocking a real redneck in the most appropriate area of CT in which to do so.  Rock on.
• I didn't cool off in the ocean, but they did have a free splash park area that gets you really chilled when buckets of water are falling on your head.  Fun!  And the creatures were like little science lessons- the jellies were cool, because they were captured in buckets and I didn't have to be submerged with them.  In addition to that, the crab legs weren't attached to full crab bodies, so those claws presented no immediate danger.
• Yup, my pb & nutella sandwich was a little crunchy at some points, but the sand mostly stayed in the usual foot/shoe/hands areas and not too scratchy anywhere else.  The kids will probably still have some in their hair to wash out in tomorrow night's shower, but it's actually not too bad.  I had to laugh when I overheard the mom setting up shop next to us tell her ten year old son, "There's your blanket, make sure you don't get sand all over it."  Yeah, and while you're at it, try not to breathe or act like a doofus.  (Get it?  Those two things are impossible for a ten year old boy to not do.)

I'm pretty sure that the remainder of our time up here will be spent hanging close to home, swimming in my parents' pool (which really just means me alternating holding Red and Pudge, while one kicks me in the thighs and the other screams for his/her turn), walking down the road to visit the cow, and catching toads in the evening hours.  On a related note, Red asked me a couple of weeks ago, "Mommy, do we live in the countryside?"  I have been happy to be able to give her a real world example of that over this last week.


Red-necked and tuckered out,