Long Distance Holidays

Originally published on DC Metro Moms, 12/29/09:

 Another Christmas has come and gone, marking yet another year that we did not make the trip north to visit with grandparents.  The logical reasons all exist- at the top of the list is the sole breadwinner of the family has no leave remaining this year.  There's also the fact that the drive up the east coast to the farthest eastern portion of Connecticut where my dear parents reside takes over seven hours.  And that's without endless potty breaks, meal stops, and forty-thousand-jillion other vehicles on the road, so during the holidays, I believe we end up driving for two days to get there.  Alright, it may only take an hour or two more, but being cooped up in the van with three kids who simply don't like being cooped up in the van feels like torture as defined by any Geneva Convention-abiding state.

Yes, hubby and I made a decision to move hours away from our families when we first settled in the DC area twelve years ago.  What can I say?  He was still a University of Maryland student, and we were young and childless.  We hardly thought a month ahead of time back then, let alone considered the long-term effects of establishing our lives so far away from our childhood homes.  Fast forward all these years, and I feel more identified as a Washingtonian than I do a New Englander.  My three kids are growing up with the norm being Metrobuses rolling by our house every hour and six lane highways as regular old roads.  This area that I now lovingly call home is perfect for our family in so many ways, except at the holidays, that is.

When I was a kid, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter and a ton of other average weekends all meant trips to my grandparents' house.  With a slew of aunts and uncles usually in attendance, the house would be packed, and the crew of cousins would inevitably be shooed outside to let the adults play cards or cribbage in peace.  The kitchen table would be extended as much as possible with leaves pulled from closets, and the living room would host a card table or two for the kids come meal time.  The laughter and ever present loud voices would echo through the house, with quiet being a foreign concept to my relatives.  As a child, all I wanted to do was hang out with the adults- to be given three dimes and dealt in for a game of thirty-one was the ultimate experience.  When it came time for presents, each person had the chance in the spotlight, as the unwrapping began with the youngest among us before progressing up the chain by age.  (As the impatient oldest of the grandchildren, I remember this tradition well.)

So when Christmas rolls around each year now, I can't help but feel the guilt that accompanies my self-imposed title of Bad Daughter.  I am denying my parents the chance to play hosts in this manner for my kids, and they don't get to sit on the couch watching the kids tear the wrapping paper from their gifts on Christmas day.  My kids' memories of holidays won't mirror my own of large family gatherings, but will instead revolve mostly around our nuclear family's experiences.

The positive side of the story is that we've chosen this long distance life in our current age of technology.  Thanks to the miracles of the Internet and free video conferencing on Skype, my parents had the pleasure of seeing three smiling faces greet them on their computer screen shouting their greetings of Merry Christmas and modeling their newly opened gifts this year.  While they may not have been able to hold their grandkids tight this Christmas, I'm thankful for the ability to connect, even if it's only online.  Oh, and I'm happy not to be on the NJ Turnpike today, too.  Most definitely.

This is an original DC Metro Moms post.

Dawn blogs nonsense about her family at my thoughts exactly, but tries to sound intelligent when she reviews books at 5 Minutes for Books.